Title: Fire Down Below
Author: Debra Anastasia
Release Date: February 28th 2015.
Series: Gynazule #1
About the Book
Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.
Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.
How could she not fall for him? Dove’s only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.
Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you’re not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.
Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.
Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter.
She waved one hand and forced a laugh. “Okay then, don’t forget to ice your nuts. If they hurt.”
Shut up, Dove!
Johnson flaunted his unwieldy inappropriateness by shouting, “Okay, then! You, too!”
He blushed a little and ran his hand through his hair.
He’s nervous around me!
Freaking hilarious madness.
Inappropriate crazy nightmare.
Scary and makes me want to cringe.
Weird parody perhaps?
I cannot put this novel into any other box instead of the bug eyed one.
It has been a few days since I read this novel and every time I think about it I start laughing like I am a lunatic.
This story is a lot of things happening at once. I don’t even know what to say. I am still dumbfounded. speechless. Definitely having a hard time to put my thoughts into coherent words.
I am still trying to figure out what was Debra exactly writing about. Hmm… Huh…
She definitely made me leave my sanity behind and took my mind off real life the moment I started reading this novel.
When you take a moment to actually think about the story you realize that there is actually depth to both characters and the storyline. It´s just a sprinkle that has somehow found its way there and is teasing you.
“I would like to be your boyfriend, then, if that’s okay with you?” Johnson’s lips were moving, so the words had to have come from him.
I demand more!
Oh‚ and Debra‚ I have no idea how you did it but you just did. You have the biggest B´s. I just wrote it‚ didn’t I? Yeah. I did. **Cough.** **Cough.** Oh‚ well‚ nothing to be ashamed of since the story we´re talking about is shameless. Very much.
Bottom line is that I need to know what will happen next.
Warning: Read at your own risk.
≧◔◡◔≦ 5 ✰ read ≧◉◡◉≦
>>>Complimentary copy provided in exchange for an honest review<<<
About the Author
There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.
Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be
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